Blue colored wishes in the rain

[beginning of rant] Photoshop CS4 loves me. Really, I never had a single program crash on me so many times in my life, all in the span of one painting. It made me go crazy paranoid and save really often. Save, Save, Save, Save, Save As,Save, Save, Save, Save, Save As... etc. Which is fine. And so I ended up with about 26 WIP files, 27 including the final. All 26 WIPs were saved successfully, but Photoshop had to fuck up on my final edit and leave me a corrupted file. Thank heavens CGHUB required that we hand in a hi-res file for the competition, so I had a full-sized JPEG saved. Still. That's my lossless hi-res PSD file right there, gone. Anyhow, all hail CGHUB. You are my savior. [end of rant]

Here's my entry for CGHUB's Natives of the Lifeless Forest Challenge. You can view the other entries as they come in here: [link], and the WIP threads here: [link]


Blue colored wishes in the rain
Anyway. If this image transports you, my work is done.

Link to deviation:
[link]

Thoughts on the painting:
I'm very used to fully fleshing out an idea in my head before starting to paint, but for this one I jumped right in with only a very loose idea. The painting started to turn in its own direction and slowly, the story became a mystery even to me. This new way of working is very refreshing. I hope it sucks you in like it sucked me in.

Tools:
Photoshop CS4, Wacom Graphire4

WIPs:

I hate this.

"Finished" this yesterday noon. Very unhappy with the results. Will rework.


I hate how dead, lifeless and uninteresting this feels. I hate the (lack of) background. I hate how it's completely different from what I originally envisioned. I hate that it doesn't say what I wanted to say.


Looks better close-up and cropped. If there's anything at all that I like about this painting, it's the hair. I had multiple orgasms painting the hair.

Oh, and LEOMGWTFBBQPANDA, Mayang is alive again. Go grab your maximum of 20 free textures a day. It'll only take 190 days to get 'em all.

Twilight = Trash

Has the world gone absolutely insane? Everyone's crazy about Twilight. A close friend of mine even wrote about how it "doesn't have cliches" and she was so sure that I would adore Edward Cullen. No offense to her, but Twilight (book and movie) is trash. Utter trash. My sister was curious about the whole Twilight craze, so she borrowed her friend's book. When she was done, she told me, "Ciaee!! OMG THE BOOK IS SOOOO BAD IT'S GOOD."

I'm not even gonna try and write a review on the story because it'll probably come out sounding quite hateful, and it's not exactly the author's fault that people are crazy over her work. But here are two funny reviews I found. I cracked up so many times.

I want to beat Edward Cullen with a stick.

This is why I stay away from romance books.

If Twilight was written 100 years ago, I can understand. Because back then, a story like this might've been breaking new grounds. But today, hasn't a teenage-drama-vampire-love-story like this one been a million times over? And her writing style is really nothing impressive.

I'm definitely getting the DVD of the movie. I can't wait to watch it together with my sis when she comes back from the US. It's going to be soooo. much. fun. 8D

I've been wanting to get that out of my system for a while.

Slow Dancing in the Burning Room

The few things that happened in the past few days:-

My White Queen painting became a Daily Deviation.
Uh, wow. That was totally unexpected because honestly, I don't think it's that good. Anyhow, getting a DD is still a pleasant surprise and it's kinda nice to have 24 hours of attention from strangers. Sort of, anyway. Another part of me wants to just delete that deviation. I was staring at the artwork just now and thinking, "The head's too big. The white queen isn't white. The colors are boring. And now it has 8000 views. NOOOOooooo."

My sister shared a video with me.
This one moved me to tears. Beautiful dance, incredible connection between the dancers, wonderful music and just heartbreaking lyrics. I thought I wasn't going to cry when I watched it the 2nd time, but I did. Same thing happened the 3rd time. And 4th. Have I mentioned before that I love crying? It's the best kind of emotional release.


Perhaps the reason why this dance/song affects me so deeply is because I've been in a painful on-off relationship before. It's one of those relationships where you feel like you're always hurting each other, you know deep down that it's never going to work out and you don't quite know why you don't want to call it quits. Love? You'll have to pay attention to the lyrics to understand.

It's not a silly little moment
It's not the storm before the calm
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love we've been working on

Can't seem to hold you like I want to
So I can feel you in my arms
Nobody's gonna come and save you
We pulled too many false alarms

We're going down
And you can see it too
We're going down
And you know that we're doomed
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room

I was the one you always dreamed of
You were the one I tried to draw
How dare you say it's nothing to me
Baby, you're the only light I ever saw

I'll make the most of all the sadness
You'll be a bitch because you can
You try to hit me just to hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can't understand

We're going down
And you can see it too
We're going down
And you know that we're doomed
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room

Go cry about it, why don't you?
My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room

Don't you think we oughta know by now?
Don't you think we shoulda learned somehow?

Song: Slow Dancing in the Burning Room by John Mayer
Choreography: Wade Robson
Dancers: Ben Susak and Pam Chu

I didn't win the Draw-a-Robot contest.
I saw the winning entry and I love it. Was kinda bummed when I saw the 2nd and 3rd though. Those were pretty good too but were completed wayyy before the competition even existed. So technically, they didn't actually do anything for the competition. Oh well. At least Sonny sent me a note telling me that one of the judges, Charlene Chua, really liked mine. That meant something to me. I'm also happy that I had something to push me to paint something I've never tried painting before.

Completed Schoolism Assignment 5 + Extra painting.

Assignment 5: Painting using the smudge tool.


Androgynous

I'm very very pleased with how this one turned out. A friend commented, "What a beautiful woman." Another person on deviantART said, "Hrmm...just looks like a guy to me." Well, yay!

I wanted to put up a gif animation to show my painting process but the file size turned out too huge. I tested it out and it took forever for all those frames to load. Sorry about that, guys!

I'm teaching.
I'm teaching a small group of beginners (friends) to paint digitally. This is a free, private class and I'm very excited to see what they'll come up with. I was never interested in teaching until recently. It all started when I tried helping a classmate from Schoolism with his assignments. I provided critique and sometimes paintovers whenever he was stuck. I then discovered that I really like helping people learn how to paint. That feeling you get when you see someone you've helped improve is amazing. So, thank you Slow and Silly Very Old Frogapillay Jon-Troy Nickel! *sucks in air* That's one long name.

Click me why don't you.

Me Demands Critique!

Bobby Chiu is killing me!! It's been 9 days since I submitted my first assignment and no critique yet! D: I'm dying here in anticipation, Bobby! And nervousness. And curiosity. GAHHHHHH. *grabs imaginary Bobby by the neck*

These days I'm feeling a lot more motivated to draw. I'm focusing on enjoying the process rather than just the end result. I guess if I keep trying to keep up with the world and all those crazy masters out there, I'm going wear myself out real quick. So... yeah, taking an advice Bobby gave one of his past students. Enjoying the process of learning. Being excited about every new thing learned. And as Android Jones (another crazy artist) once said, "If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong!"

Which means I've been doing it wrong for............... a while now.

It's 6:43 in the morning and I'm wideee awake. Tried going to bed at 3:00AM but failed. Now, this is especially unusual for a person like Ciaee. Ciaee is usually able to fall asleep in a matter of seconds. She can also sleep through an entire day. And this can happen anywhere - at the restaurant, in the car, on the stairs... etc. Yar. So something must be wrong with Ciaee.

Anyway, since I was unable to fall asleep, I drew something.


Not sure what to name these... armless midgets yet. Will be coloring this to try out different skin tones.


Colorized this from Bobby Chiu's black and white painting for Schoolism's Digital Painting class Week 2. Think I did a pretty good job for this one. *Pats self on the back* :D Can't wait to hear what Bobby will have to say. Grrr. *wails, kicks and screams in impatience*
It's 7:09AM now. Still wide awake.

Pointless Tag Entry :D

I told myself that I wasn't going to update my blog until I had a pretty drawing/painting to show. Problem is, that "pretty" drawing/painting is taking forever to materialize because I don't know which direction I want to go with it. So...[sudden change of topic] I got tagged!

♥ People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

♥ Tag 10 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

If you've done this before... Do it again!

Tagged by - fishingforboots
Tagging - ykamizuki, electricfruit", kangkins, WoonBing, Hanzie, Mandabun, Livon, Johnny, AnnEe, ChungLern and anyone who needs a distraction from work.

And we begin!

o1◢ How has LJ changed your life?
(Or if you don't use LJ, how has blogging changed your life?)
LJ has made me hopelessly addicted to Bleach fanfics. Argh.

o2◢ What's your favorite quote/ saying?
"Every blessing ignored becomes a curse." - Paulo Coelho

o3◢ What are you going to have for dinner tonight?
Mommmmyyyy... what are we having for dinner tonight? :D (I can't cook to save my life.)

o4◢ What is the ONE place you want to go before you die if you had the money and the time? And let's keep it to somewhere on the Earth for now, shall we?
Uh, honestly I have no idea. O_O The location is usually not as important as the company, for me. Anywhere with a whole bunch of my crazy friends will do.

o5◢ Which type are you based on the Enneagram of Personality theory? [http://similarminds.com/test.html]
Type 5: Experts, Thinkers, Investigators

Fives are motivated by the desire to understand the facts about the world around them. Believing they are only worth what they contribute, Fives have learned to withdraw, to watch with keen eyes and speak only when they can shake the world with their observations. Sometimes they do just that. However, some Fives are known to withdraw from the world, becoming reclusive hermits and fending off social contact with abrasive cynicism. Fives fear incompetency or uselessness and want to be capable and knowledgeable above all else.

Ego fixation: stinginess
Holy idea: omniscience
Passion/Vice: avarice
Virtue: detachment
Stress point: Seven
Security point: Eight

I got the definition for Type 5 from Wikipedia. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Enneagram_of_Personality]
Wow. I dunno about stinginess but everything else sounds spookily true.

o6◢ What do you do in your free time?
Read, spend hours browsing artwork on deviantART, draw/paint, sleep, write.

o7◢ Do you trust easily?
Mmmm... it really depends. I listen to my intuition when it comes to trusting people. Usually? I don't trust people very easily.

o8◢ What personal belonging do you have with you everywhere you go?
My mobile-phone and my "Duckling.Ciaeears" stainless steel ring. :3

o9◢ Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Yes, the painting I'm working on. Arghhhh. I seriously have NO IDEA when it's going to be finished. Or whether it's ever gonna be.

1o◢ What is your favorite Anime/ Manga and list at least one fanfic from it you recommend.
My favorite mangas are Bus Hashiru by Sumomo Yumeka (or Mizu Sahara) and Hybrid Child by Shungiku Nakamura.

Um, I've only read fanfics from Bleach (by Tite Kubo) although it's hardly one of my favourites. I'm actually beginning to hate the manga series but I'm thoroughly addicted to its fanfics. Anyway, the best one I've ever read is "Save The Living" by . I've read it more than 5 times. Iamnotobsessedimnotobsessediamnotobsessed. I usually look for yaoi fanfics and ironically, the best one turned out to be one that isn't yaoi. This one's a look into Ryuuken's character and his relationship with his son. Just... beautifully written. Heartbreakingly beautifully written. Go read it.

11◢ Is being tagged fun?
Is it fun? I dunno. But it's a damn good distraction from work! That makes it... kinda fun?

12◢ What one thing would you do differently if you could?
Actually, right now... I can't think of anything I'd like to change. I seldom dwell on my past. I should probably think of something interesting to write here since my answers are beginning to sound boring! D: (Unfortunately, it's like 2 in the morning and my brain is not functionally properly...OTL)

13◢ Do you prefer rain or snow?
Rain! I love the rain. The smell of rain, its texture, the way it sounds... I can't really describe why I love it. I feel strangely calm and everything feels kinda tranquil when the rain falls. Sometimes I'd sneak out of the house when my parents are not looking and go walk barefooted on the grass when it rains. They'll probably freak out if they saw. Haha... actually, I think my dad reads my LJ. He'll probably try and notice the next time it rains. Oh no. ^^;

14◢ What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I don't know her personally but she writes some awesome GrimmIchi and IchiIshi fics! She seems to be nice too - I could marry her for writing Cat's Gospel for me. Fishingforboots, marry me? :3

15◢ Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
Single and rich... duh. Seriously, would anyone choose the latter? O_O Being single rocks.

16◢ How many children do you want to have, if any?
I dislike children. Puppies/Kitties/Anyotherfurries > Children. Yar. Um, if I ever change my mind in the future, it'll be an even number. Probably two. I come from a family with three girls; that's an odd number. When there are conflicts, two of us gang up against the other. That's not very nice.

17◢ What's better- to give or to receive?
At this point of time in my life, I want to give. It feels like I've been receiving all my life. That doesn't feel fair or right.

18◢ If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
Neither.

19◢ Would you have 100% safe sex with a stranger for $10,000,000?
For $10,000,000 I will be your sex slave for a week. Or maybe even for a month. I expect to be paid in full beforehand though.

2o◢ Is there some sexual position or act that you have secretly wanted to do, but haven't?
A threesome would be interesting. (2 girls, 1 guy) With me being at the center of attention, of course. >:3

Something hurts. [WARNING: Pure EMO Entry]

Something hurts.

I'm beginning to realize that it's possible for me to feel lonely. I used to tell people, with a bit of pride, "I'm the sort that never gets lonely." Loneliness... is most painful when you feel it even when people are around you. People that matter.

I'm crying again. Why am I announcing this? Anyway, I love crying. For the few minutes when tears are streaming down my face I feel unafraid to be me. I, probably, not-so-secretly (now that I'm going to publish this entry) want someone to know that I'm hurting inside. At the same time, I'm a little glad that almost none of my friends know of the existence of this blog.

Okay, I'm feeling a little better now. I'm breathing. I'm alright. I can hardly remember the details or the cause of my sudden depression that came just moments ago. I don't really want to.

I have to draw more. I need to be able to put my feelings and thoughts into a piece of something. A sketch. A drawing. A painting. I need this, for my sanity. I've always had problems expressing myself; I still do. Even as I write this for the faceless world to read, I'm unable to fully channel my feelings into words. I can't be sure if this is because of my limited vocabulary or my own reluctance to open up.

I used to write on Multiply. I wrote what I thought, what I felt, and I often only feel the need to write when I'm really down or desperate for an outlet... so if you were subscribed to my updates then, I might have appeared to be quite a depressing or depressed person. I remember the day when I provided the link to my latest entry to one of my college mates who was doing Advertising and Graphics as his major. He read my entry about relationships and said something along the lines of, "Emoblogs... are just not cool."

Wha- that stung. I felt so... judged. Here's a link to our chatlog: [link]

I cropped off our screennames in order to protect his privacy. He didn't mean anything bad, that guy. But yeah, I had no idea that people saw it that way.

I need to stop wallowing in self-pity.
I need to draw more.

Tuesday - Sinking and Floating

An artist that I really look up to once said that "suffering" is a kind of blessing. (Well, he said it in Chinese and there isn't an accurate English equivalent to the words 幸福, but "blessing" should be close enough.) He said that it's a sign that we're improving.

I've been trying to paint that White Queen drawing I made for a few days now. I'm stuck. This feels like suffering to me, without improving. I think I'm trying too hard. I think I'm not trying hard enough. Gahhhhhhhhhhh, anyway. I just finished a different painting.


Tuesday Wistfulness(click me for full view goodness)

Sinking.
Floating.

I really meant to do a quick painting without knowing exactly what I wanted. Spent more time than I intended on this one... almost my entire Tuesday, with lots of stops in between as usual. My own lack of focus amazes me. Hmm. I'm not sure if I'm fully satisfied with the outcome, but I like the overall feeling of this one.

Graphire4
Painted in Painter IX
Post-processing and texture spammage in Photoshop CS2
Textures - A mixture of Mayang's and some of my own.
Link to deviation: [link]
Progress/Steps: